I'm at a very easy point in my life right now. I've often said if I could freeze time right now I would. My oldest is 11 and my youngest is 3. PERFECT!! Not yet dealing with teenage angst and not too young for sleepless nights. Ahhh, what could be better? So, I've got myself in this spot where everything seems to be a no-brainer. Feed them, play with them, do homework, be a taxi driver, and love them. Great!
So, am I okay to just sit back and enjoy? Why do I feel guilty about that? Because it seems when I put myself out there, to volunteer or something like that, I end up feeling anxious, moody, grumpy, edgy, and so on and so on. There is no living with me until that "duty" I've signed up for is over. Then afterwards, I'm so glad I did whatever it was that was causing me ( and everyone else ) so much grief! Hence, the "fine line".
I don't have the answer. I guess living a prayerful life is the only way to get the answer. Sometimes I may need to move out of my comfort zone and other times I may have to know my limits and put myself and my family first. Each will have their own rewards.
Today I had the "opportunity" to watch a room full of kids ages 2, 3, and 4. I was so nervous about this that I spent an hour online last night looking up "circle time games" for preschoolers just so I would survive the 2 hours I had to entertain them. It ended up being such a rewarding experience. It was a room full of sweet children who listened, shared, helped, and made me laugh. At the end of our time together, I asked if they were to rate how I did today, would they give me a "thumbs up, thumbs down, or thumbs to the side"?
Half said thumbs to the side, but I did manage to get a couple of thumbs up. I didn't push the ones who didn't answer.....I didn't want to know!
But when I got home today, I got this picture from Jesus.
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| Great job today Kathleen! |
P.S. For all of you who read the title and thought I was going to be talking about my face, shame on you!!
Sounds to me like you are figuring it out!!
ReplyDeleteLove you, girl!
This really makes me smile. I, too, am in a place where I just wish I could freeze time. And I, too, battle with "should I?" or "shouldn't I?". To justify my decisions, I always go back to "what is better for my family? what makes ME better for my family?" Thus the taking time to work out vs. "shouldn't I be up at that PTA meeting?" (the answer this a.m. is no (smile)) On the otherhand, if I think about it on the spiritual end of things, you will see how my decision to volunteer at the hospice "puts me out there" with alot of stress on my end to make these darn evening trainings happen in light of Fred being away. It's a constant battle... but a good one, if you think about it. At least we have the choice. A lot of people don't have a choice -- they just have to do it to make ends meet. Sorry for babbling... again, going thru the same battles daily. : ) Kim
ReplyDeleteInteresting post, Kathleen. I'm often wondering where the fine line is too. There is nothing wrong with watching your family grow and enjoying it :) I smiled at where you are at.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I think it's best not to take on too much. Often when we are stressed it's a sign that we have taken on too much for our individual personality. I know that I am not a superwoman...that's for sure :) I get stressed out and anxious if I take on more than I can handle. Like you, I can't wait until it's over with!
Kathleen:
ReplyDeleteI ran across this and thought you might find it interesting, specifically #23. Mary
http://gg-notesonthejourney.blogspot.com/2011/09/30-things-to-do-when-you-are-in-rough_09.html
So funny Kathleen!!! I love the picture!
ReplyDeleteYour post sounds a lot like a game I play with myself. It's called "This is What I Want to Remember ABout Right Now." I want time to stop for a moment while I take in everything special and funny about my children at their respective ages. What do I want to Remember about my 7 year old right now? The way she pronounces words she reads that she's never heard said out loud - words like "puree" and "Stanford." My five year old? That's he is so different after one month of kindergarten than he was one short month ago. Please stop, Father Time! He's reading and writing! And my three year old - ALL of his funny thoughts and questions. God is good, Kathleen. Enjoy His many blessings.
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