"Take care of you."
It's a line from the movie Pretty Woman.
I love when she says it.
This past month was a difficult one for me. I had high anxiety over many things; mostly our decision to send Matthew to Kindergarten and also volunteering to Chair a committee I know little about at the elementary school. When I tell you that fear was the only emotion I was feeling this past month, I am not exaggerating. Justified or not, it impacted everyone in the house.
Along the way, I had friends and relatives try to "talk me down" from the hypothetical ledge. These were the supportive words I heard:
"That is the devil making you feel that way."
"Pray, and God will help you figure it out."
"We are all here to help you."
"You'll do great."
"I know how to do that. Let me help you."
And even though I had all of these supportive people come to my aid, I still wasn't feeling better.
At Mass on Sunday the priest opened his homily with, "The Lord wants to be in a deep relationship with you." He went on to say that even though our hearts may be open to hear his voice, try to open them even wider.
It was then that I realized that I had been so consumed with my own self doubt and fear, that I was not even praying about it! I was thinking, "It's not like God is going to help me figure out how to make a pdf file, so why should I pray about it?"
I was reminded recently of that clever, albeit overused, analogy of the oxygen mask on an airplane. In an emergency the flight attendants instruct you to put on your own mask first before you attempt to help others.
In a bizarre stretch of that analogy, I guess you could say God should have been my oxygen mask this past month, but I didn't reach for Him. That is why I was suffocating in my own emotions.
Take Care Of You!