I met up with a friend of mine this morning to go for a walk. We picked a place neither one of us was too familiar with. It was a park that had lots of different walking paths. There was a beautiful expanse of grassy areas with blooming trees all around. There were couples walking, joggers jogging, and a landscaper mowing. It was a beautiful spot to enjoy our chat with a side of exercise.
We made a lot of twists and turns but after a while we realized we couldn't seem to find our way out of the inner path and access the outer loop. My friend said, "This path seems like my brain does sometimes." I laughed and said, "Me too." And to myself I thought, "Only from above would we be able to see how this path is laid out."
Only from above.
You could say this year has been a year of discernment for me. When school started in September I was in a bit of a tizzy. Our youngest child started full day school. After being a stay at home mom for 14 years, this was a tough adjustment for me. I felt I was in a constant "What now?" frame of mind. I was being inundated with questions like "What do you do all day?" and that put me into panic mode. I felt that saying "housework and errands" wasn't a grand enough answer. I worried about what others thought of me. I felt that if I didn't reply "Busy" to the "How are you?" question, I must be doing something wrong.
The problem with this was that I was spending too much time worrying and feeling guilty about my life and what to do with it, that I was sucking out all of the joy I had in the here and now.
I was living the exact life I had dreamed for myself and my family, yet I was too stubborn to appreciate it to the fullest. I started asking God for help. I kept asking him to show me where he wanted me to be. I thought this prayer would be answered in a classified ad that read:
"Help wanted. No experience required. Hours from 8:50am-2:30pm. Time off for snow days and school holidays. Summers off."
But that never came. (believe me, I looked)
Slowly, over the last few months I have begun to see that as long as I keep moving forward and keep His plan for me at the top of my to-do list, I am okay. This takes a conscious effort each and every day.
In other words, Only from Above will my answer come.
This year I started doing some volunteer work in the "education" realm. Teaching Matthew's religious education class, along with some light tutoring at the elementary school has opened a door I thought was locked for someone like me. Coming from a medical background, teaching is not my forte. I can't speak for my students, but for me it has been the biggest blessing, I cannot even tell you.
That's the thing with God....as long as you look to Him, he will lead you in ways you never thought you'd go. But more importantly than solid black and white answers, is the feeling of peace that happens within when you turn your heart, your thoughts, your actions to God. This, I believe, is the true meaning of peace. After all, we were taught at a young age that the reason we were created was to Know Him, Love Him, and Serve Him.
He wants us all to have that peace, but it comes - Only From Above.