***pausing for claps and cheers***
The Day Before Thursday: I cried. I cried because as I looked back on the last 15 years I felt as if I haven't accomplished much. Oh sure, I gave birth to five children. Big whoop. If you only knew how grumpy I was
Thursday Night: Bill gives me my gift. It was gooooood. Like, "bling" good. (now would be a good time to mention that I am not usually materialistic, but I am a girl and all girls like bling. Ok, moving on.)
Saturday: I was able to forget about my self-loathing feelings for a while until I watched an interview on Fox and Friends Weekend that drudged up what I think has been bothering me a lot lately. The woman being interviewed said she was regretful for not keeping her hands in the corporate world while she stayed at home raising her children. She is now an empty nester and has lost her ability to easily get back into the work force.
I completely understood where she was coming from. I had a career I enjoyed once B.K. (before kids)and it may be impossible for me to go back to it; but that wasn't what bothered me. I couldn't quite figure it out because she seemed nice and I felt bad for her predicament. I couldn't get her out of my mind.
Sunday: "Take up your cross" was the message of the mass. I sat there with tears in my eyes as I looked at my good friend a few pews in front of me. The very friend who spent the last 15 months getting diagnosed and treated for cancer all while being pregnant, mothering her other two boys, and delivering a healthy baby. None of that was in her plan when she left the teaching world to get married and start a family.
After Bill's mass (we went separately) he mentions that the choir sang the song "You Alone" and makes me listen to it on Youtube.
Sunday Afternoon: Flipped through a book a friend of mine left at my house. The book is called, The Domestic Church: Room by Room by Donna-Marie Cooper O'Boyle. I hope I am not breaking any copyright laws by writing the following lines, but I had to share these beautiful words from the page I stopped on.
It would be a lie to convey that a mother's daily life is only one of blissful loving embraces and constant "warm fuzzies." Motherhood is intrinsically beautiful, but while she is in the trenches with whiny demands, diapers, overflowing hampers of dirty laundry, and the constant refilling kitchen sink, a mother knows that the feeling of love for her family may not always emerge easily in every circumstance. It will, at times, come through the sacrafice of giving of herself and her decision to remain faithful to her vocation. A mother decides to love and to continue to love her family in God's plan for her salvation and the salvation of her family. Through a mother's loving service, God is at work sanctifying her soul when she thoroughly surrenders her heart to his holy will.
Monday: That lady is on Fox and Friends again!! She looked sadder this time. Maybe it was because this time another woman was alongside of her also being interview and patting herself on the back for staying at home and starting her own business while doing it. I'm sure that made the first woman feel just great.
I googled this first woman and read her post where she listed 9 reasons why she had remorse on staying home and losing herself. It was then that I realized what bothered me. All the reasons were selfish. You can find it here. I wish I could paste the above book excerpt next to each one of her reasons. Maybe she would feel better. I should send her the book.
I was trying to formulate some kind of cohesive post relating all of this and get a good "meaning of life" lesson in here somewhere, but it didn't come. It is all over the place and probably doesn't make much sense.
Tomorrow: Change latest blog post title to "Random Thoughts."