Why I Haven't Posted And A Reflection

There's been a couple of reasons for my lack of blog posts lately.

1.) Not much going on here.

2.) My laptop is broken.  It crashes at the drop of a hat.  I could use the desktop in the basement; however, that is our playroom and going down there is like going into a big, scary abyss of destruction.  I just won't do it.

BUT, I did have a conversation yesterday that warrants being talked about.

Have you ever been in a conversation where the person you're talking to is on the verge of putting their foot in their mouth and you are on the verge of hearing something bad about yourself?  Well, that was me yesterday.

Turns out, some years back, someone bought Bill a book with a title something like, "Why Is She Angry All The Time?"

I don't think that's the actual title because I can't find anything like that on Amazon.  But I didn't have the courage to inquire more about it.  I just wanted to change the subject.

When I asked Bill about it later, he had "no recollection" of being given any such book.  We had a quick laugh about it and I dropped it.  The stars must have been aligned for me not to fall into my own big, scary abyss of depression.  I decided that "angry" Kathleen was long gone and it was all in the past.

At least I hope she is.

The truth of the matter is, when Bill and I were first married, I wasn't the happiest person.  It was the first time I lived away from my childhood home and it was a couple of hours away from our families.  After we had children, I was completely taken off guard with how difficult and how lonely the life of a stay-at-home mom was. 

Even though I lament the fact that the children are getting older, I do not want to go back to those early days.  It was tough!  Our first four kids were born in less than five years. Every appointment, every sporting event, every trip to mass, was met with so many challenges and each one was horrible. I won't lie.  I hated it.  With Matthew I did learn to enjoy some of it, but only for the very fact there is no one after him!

These days I see my younger friends and family with their toddlers and babies and they seem to be handling it all with ease.  I, on the other hand, had been one to align myself with friends who felt as easily stressed out as I was.  It was commiseration at it's best!  That's how I survived.

Luckily for me, back then Bill was a stellar husband who knew how to handle my not-so-stellar behavior.

Which leads me to believe he did receive the book and he read it, too.