Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Why I Haven't Posted And A Reflection

There's been a couple of reasons for my lack of blog posts lately.

1.) Not much going on here.

2.) My laptop is broken.  It crashes at the drop of a hat.  I could use the desktop in the basement; however, that is our playroom and going down there is like going into a big, scary abyss of destruction.  I just won't do it.

BUT, I did have a conversation yesterday that warrants being talked about.

Have you ever been in a conversation where the person you're talking to is on the verge of putting their foot in their mouth and you are on the verge of hearing something bad about yourself?  Well, that was me yesterday.

Turns out, some years back, someone bought Bill a book with a title something like, "Why Is She Angry All The Time?"

I don't think that's the actual title because I can't find anything like that on Amazon.  But I didn't have the courage to inquire more about it.  I just wanted to change the subject.

When I asked Bill about it later, he had "no recollection" of being given any such book.  We had a quick laugh about it and I dropped it.  The stars must have been aligned for me not to fall into my own big, scary abyss of depression.  I decided that "angry" Kathleen was long gone and it was all in the past.

At least I hope she is.

The truth of the matter is, when Bill and I were first married, I wasn't the happiest person.  It was the first time I lived away from my childhood home and it was a couple of hours away from our families.  After we had children, I was completely taken off guard with how difficult and how lonely the life of a stay-at-home mom was. 

Even though I lament the fact that the children are getting older, I do not want to go back to those early days.  It was tough!  Our first four kids were born in less than five years. Every appointment, every sporting event, every trip to mass, was met with so many challenges and each one was horrible. I won't lie.  I hated it.  With Matthew I did learn to enjoy some of it, but only for the very fact there is no one after him!

These days I see my younger friends and family with their toddlers and babies and they seem to be handling it all with ease.  I, on the other hand, had been one to align myself with friends who felt as easily stressed out as I was.  It was commiseration at it's best!  That's how I survived.

Luckily for me, back then Bill was a stellar husband who knew how to handle my not-so-stellar behavior.

Which leads me to believe he did receive the book and he read it, too.


  1. oh my goodness, I am right there with you! Having lots of Littles was the hardest time for me too, especially because I felt like I was going to have a baby every year for the rest of my life :-)

  2. As I look around at people these days with kids (like you) I am amazed at what an awesome job they (you) are doing...because I remember my parenting of a small child and I wasn't so good at it. You guys make it look easy - I know it is not! If I am not careful, I fall into the abyss of regret for all I did wrong. And I only had ONE little one.

    Great post, Kathleen.

  3. Four in five is a ton of stress! And yes, being home alone like that can become so lonely. I remember my brain feeling like it was turning into a brown banana.

  4. You made it look so easy Kathleen! You were always- and still are, an inspiration to me :-)

  5. Oh you are going to laugh - I had just one child and can still relate to your I always appreciate your honesty, Kathleen. It makes me realize that each and every one of us has our struggles and crosses. What is most important is that we learn from them!

  6. I will always tell you you made it and still make it look easy . I know it's not always easy , but Bill is a great guy and those kids are so good , so you must be doing something right :)

  7. Oh I can SO relate!! I always love reading your posts...we have so much in common.
    Have a good weekend!

  8. Just to let you know I nominated this blog for a Sunshine award. You can find the link here:

    God bless!

  9. I love the honesty in this post. The first few years of our marriage were difficult as well…my husband took a job 3 hours away from our families and friends and we moved and then he was working all the time and I was MISERABLE. I had no friends, my family was far away. I had three jobs and hated each one and quit them all. I was so lonely. I finally did find a job I liked and then we bought a house and that kept me busy…and then my mom and my grandpa got sick and I told my husband I was done, we were moving back to NJ because life was too short to not be close to family.

    I love how honest you were in this post :) Glad to hear things have gotten better.

  10. Hi Kathleen! I know that I was also prone to getting overwhelmed with two kids, close in age. I always thought everyone had it together except me, and that thought was a bunch of bunk.

    There is no perfect parent, and we all lose it, hate it, get tired and overworked all the time with little kids. If someone gave my husband that book back in the day, I think it would just make me angrier. Why do we all judge each other anyway? So silly.

    I know that you were a wonderful mom because you have a wonderful husband and great kids. That doesn't just happen for no reason. Kiss that 'book memory' goodbye. You are not that person you think you were. You are the you of today, an inspiration to all who read your blogs and relate to your struggles and triumphs. Not too shabby.

    I have a new blog home! I'm now at A big change, but I hope to love it :)

    PS Hope your computer problems resolve soon...

  11. I'm so glad you dropped by! I had to giggle though…I can't even imagine a "angry Kathleen"…and yet, isn't that exactly what we do…hide away the difficult and challenging parts of ourselves and put our game face on! I'm betting that even during those trials…to others on the outside you looked like you had it all together! I love your transparency!!! Hugs!

  12. Thank you so much for this honest post! I am *that* mom right now as we speak. Well, I only have three, but I am moody and angry a lot. Having any more babies actually makes me hyperventilate. Glad to know I am nor the only one!